“Love is not supposed to be painful. There is pain involved in any relationship but if it is painful most of the time then something is not working. Loving relationships are based upon appreciation & affection and not fear and manipulation.”

Healthy vs. Unhealthy Love:
Here is a short list of the characteristics of Love vs. Toxic love (compiled with the help of the work of Melody Beattie, Terence Gorski. and Robert Burney).  From the site Lightshifter.com.
Healthy                                                                                                                    Unhealthy
Love: Development of self first priority.
Toxic love: Obsession with relationship.
 
 
Love: Room to grow, expand; desire for other to grow.
Toxic love: Security, comfort in sameness; intensity of need seen as proof of love – may really be fear, insecurity, loneliness.
 
 
Love: Separate interests; other friends; maintain other meaningful relationships.
Toxic love: Total involvement; limited social life; neglect old friends, interests.
 
 
Love: Encouragement of each other’s expanding; secure in own worth.
Toxic love: Preoccupation with other’s behavior; fear of other changing.
 
 
Love: Appropriate Trust (trusting partner to behave according to fundamental nature.)
Toxic love: Jealousy; possessiveness; fear of competition; protects “supply.”
 
 
Love: Compromise, negotiation or taking turns at leading. Problem solving together.
Toxic love: Power plays for control; blaming; passive or aggressive manipulation.
 
 
Love: Embracing of each other’s individuality.
Toxic love: Trying to change other to own image.
 
 
Love: Relationship deals with all aspects of reality.
Toxic love: Relationship is based on delusion and avoidance of the unpleasant.
 
 
Love: Self-care by both partners; emotional state not dependent on other’s mood.
Toxic love: Expectation that one partner will fix and rescue the other.
 
 
Love: Loving detachment (healthy concern about partner, while letting go.)
Toxic love: Fusion (being obsessed with each other’s problems and feelings.)
 
 
Love: Sex is free choice growing out of caring & friendship.
Toxic love: Pressure around sex due to fear, insecurity & need for immediate gratification.
 
 
Love: Ability to enjoy solitude by being alone.
Toxic love: Unable to endure separation; clinging.
 
 
Love: Cycle of comfort and contentment.
Toxic love: Cycle of pain and despair.
 
 
Love: Conversations based upon intent to Understand, Help, or convey affection.
Toxic love: Conversations based upon intent to blame, defend, or manipulate.
 
According to Quantum Entrainment developer Dr. Frank Kinslow:

“Before we can love others we must love Ourselves. Self Love is the highest form of love.”

He differentiates Self Love from me-love.

“(Me-love) looks for reasons to love.

Me-love is doomed to mediocrity.

`Me’ is everything that makes a person unique.

‘Me’ is made of thoughts and emotions, experiences, memories, hopes and fears.

‘Me’ love is conditional love and changes as conditions change.

When we believe in the ‘me’ image of ourselves, we separate ourselves from what we perceive as other images and we miss the unifying Love within which connects us all.”

“Most of us enter into a relationship for a reason like love or friendship, protection, money, excitement or danger, intellectual stimulation or physical pleasure. Then, is the purpose of forming a relationship solely for gain?

Yes! The answer to the question `Why do relationships exist?’ is that they do so solely for gain. But they do not exist solely for our selfish gain, quite the contrary. Relationships are not strengthened by more money, control or time. They are not even justified, as is commonly thought, by increasing the intensity of love between two people. Eckhart Tolle hit it right on the button when he said, `A relationship is to make you aware – not happy.’ Relationships are perfect opportunities to become Self-aware.”

Photo Credit: linda yvonne via Photopin cc