What do narcissistic pseudolovers, bad telemarketers and SPAM emails have in common?

All they care about is getting their needs met.

They don’t care about you.

If they do care, it is always in reference to what they can get out of you.

The business of getting a sale and delivering a spam message sadly follow the patterns of a narcissistic pseudolover’s pursuit of a potential “lover” or prospect.

The objective of a spam email is to make you part  with your hard-earned money by purchasing the product they are spamming you with. The large volume of messages are meant to make you feel overwhelmed enough to give in – either due to annoyance, pressure,or frustration.

They also hinge on the hope that the repeated spam messages will make you believe that you can withdraw $500,000,000 from a Nigerian bank or that your erectile dysfunction will be solved by a magic pill.

Telemarketers work the same way. Their objective is to make you say yes to what they’re offering. If you say “yes”, expect to surrender your credit card details and a large chunk of your credit card limit. They allay your worries by convincing you that “this is the right thing to do.” The worst part is that you believe them.

Narcissistic pseudolovers do all of the above and more. After you say yes to their offer, expect to be further spammed and offered with stuff that you will pay for with your life.

Their tactic is to woo you, overwhelm you with promises, and bite you in the rear – this after they have mined you of your resources, be it emotional, financial, physical, etc.

Below are 5 of their common ways. Be aware.

1 Their “Hello” Comes With An Agenda 

“Hello!” is the first investment narcissist pseudolovers make.

Hello gets their foot in the door.

Note this is not a simple hello.

It is a hello loaded with an underlying anxiety and desperate need to make a sell. At the same time, they are convincing you that making a sell is not their end goal (but in their pseudoheart of hearts they know it is).

Bad telemarketers dangle in your head the possibility of solving your problems if you buy their product. They want you to think that you need the product they’re selling, that you can’t live without it. That you’ll regret not having it. They’d say anything and everything to make you want it.

Narcissist pseudolovers say “Hello” with the underlying need to sell you the image of what they think you’ll like. They mold their image to something that will resonate with your needs, wants, beliefs, expectations.

They act immediately. They pounce on you. They want to get you while you’re still open to what they’ll say. They take advantage of this before any doubt creeps into your mind.

Their “Hello”, however congenial it may be, is a bait. It’s a hook to lure you to listen and pay more attention to what they’ll say and not on your own thoughts.

Their “Hello” is a ruse. They’ll use sleight of hand, fast talk, fireworks to impress you – or more appropriately – distract you from seeing who they really are.

Their greeting comes with an objective to take something from you by making you do what they want you to do while making you believe it is YOU who wanted to do it for them.

It is a maneuver they have tried and tested many times. Don’t make this work on you.

2 They’re Persistent For The Wrong Reason

Narcissistic pseudolovers – like bad telemarketers and spam emails – can’t/won’t accept your “No!”, no matter how much you say it out loud or no matter how many times you unsubscribe.

They are persistent not because they “love” you or they can’t live without you, or that your presence is a god-send. They are persistent because you have something they want to have.

Bad telemarketers are persistent not because patience is a virtue, it’s because they need you the same way an addict needs his fix.

Bad telemarketers are intense in their wooing because they know they can get something back – e. g. your hard-earned money, your body, your attention, your energy.

Similarly, SPAM emails don’t care if your inbox gets filled with junk. They only care that you receive their message – not once, not twice, not thrice, but always. Unsubscribing from one is futile because you involuntarily receive another, and another, and another.

SPAM emails pretend to care for your wants and needs (e.g. “Claim Your Money!”, “Get Meds For Free!”, “Pure Happiness Starts Here – Click On This Link!”)  The fact is, they only care that you open the SPAM email and buy what they are selling.

They’ll only listen to you if you have a question or a statement that follows the script they’ve memorized in their head. They disregard anything else you say that won’t lead to where they want you to go.

They only want you to go where they want you to go. What you want is not important.

They only want to get what they want. You have no say. They only want you to say “Yes” to everything they say.

Narcissistic pseudolovers woo the same way. They are persistent for the wrong reason. By “wrong”, I mean they are “selfish”. They are persistent for their own selfish reasons.

Narcissist pseudolovers care for themselves. If you see them care for you, they’re doing it to make you think they care. They’re only doing it to prop up their image. They’re not doing it for you.

They pseudocare for you because it makes them look good in your eyes.

Their persistence helps you think they won’t stop loving you. This is exactly their objective: to make you think they won’t stop loving you.

They don’t really love you.

They just want you to think they do. But this is so you won’t stop giving them what they want.


3 You Are Not A Person, You’re A Source Of Supply

A narcissistic pseudolover doesn’t see you as a person.

In their eyes, you are a supplier.

You are a supplier of attention, physical intimacy, money, or whatever the narcissistic pseudolover has deemed you worthy a supplier of.

You are not a person. You are a source to be mined.

Bad telemarketers, just like narcissist pseudolovers, show interest in you not because you’re interesting. It’s because you have something they want to have. They are interested in what they can mine from you.

They see you as a supplier of their wants and needs.

Eventually, you become their fix.

The same way an addict gets his fix, they obsess over you because they are afraid to lose (NOT you but) their fix.

If you think their pursuit of you is equal to their concern for you, you are wrong. Do not equate their fear of losing you as them caring about YOU.

They care about their fix, NOT you.

You are not part of the equation. Though you may seemingly be part of it, you are dispensable the instance another fix presents itself.


4   You are not a person, you’re a demographic

DEFINITION of ‘Demographics‘ Studies of a population based on factors such as age, race, sex, economic status, level of education, income level and employment, among others.


Narcissist pseudolovers want to know more about you because they want to know what makes you tick.

Their intent is to study you. They collect information about you the same way telemarketers collect information from their possible prospects. The end goal is to know enough about you so they will know how to better sell themselves to you as well as convince you.

When they know what makes you happy, sad, angry, and what you like / dislike, etc., they use these information to:

– manipulate you

– calibrate their actions enough to make you feel you’re in good hands

– give you what they want so it would be easier for them to get what they want from you

They show what you want to see. They become what you want them to be. But this is merely an image, a persona. They aren’t being real.

They research / find out what your needs and wants are. This is achieved by asking you directly, by observing what makes you happy/sad, by asking people who know you.

They gather all the information they want to get because this will make up the content of how they will present themselves. They want to present you with something you’re sure to like; something you can’t say no to; something you’re sure to buy.

Remember the movie Groundhog Day where Bill Murray’s character was stuck re-living the same day over and over again? There is a scene where he collects information from a woman, and later on uses these to get her to bed.


For some reason, Murray’s character is seemingly forever stuck in Groundhog Day limbo until he learns to be nice and not just act as if he was nice. He uses his days to woo Andie Macdowell’s character by collecting information which he uses to make himself attractive in her eyes. It was all an act though, albeit at times believable.

Narcissist pseudolovers calibrate their actions to fit your expectations and desires. Once you’re swayed or hooked, your mind becomes pliable to whatever thoughts they want you to think. Eventually, you begin to think like them or go out of your way to please them.



5    Narcissist pseudolovers convince rather than convey

“Liars want to convince rather than just convey.” – Joe Navarro

Narcissist pseudolovers convince you of their trustworthiness. They also expect you to believe it right this instant and at this moment.

They do their best to convince you hard and fast because they know they are not trustworthy.

They cannot fathom that trust needs to be earned, not displayed or waved in front of your face. They want you to immediately believe they’re trustworthy because they know they can’t put on an act forever or else their real selves will emerge – and they know you wouldn’t like their real selves.

In this scene from the Wolf of Wall Street – replace the man Leonardo di Caprio is talking to on the phone with a woman. Now, imagine that Di Caprio is asking her for a second date.

The person on the other end of the line is unsure, vacillating – and with good reason. He just can’t give all his hard-earned money to a virtual stranger over the phone, but he does.

They believably convince by using any and all tools in their arsenal, including deceit.

Plus, narcissist pseudolovers always want to get the upper hand. They don’t want to lose.


6 Narcissistic pseudolovers want what they want right NOW

Telemarketers want your answer the minute they give you their offer.

They don’t want you to think about it tomorrow/ later/ next week /next minute.

They want to hear your answer NOW.

They want you to make a decision NOW. Whether that decision is life-changing for you, who cares? They want to close the deal; they want you to say YES to their offer NOW.

Later is just too late.

They want what they want right now because you might see them for who they really are a minute later and you might change your mind.

Their real intention is to satisfy their needs, fulfill their wants.

Their real intention is to get you to do what they want.

They want you to do what they want WHEN they want it.

They want you to do what they want NOW.

Whether it’s something you really want to do, doesn’t matter at all.

They don’t want you to even consider your own wants thus their need for speed.

Before you get into the proper frame of mind to ask yourself if this is what you want to do, they up the ante by overwhelming your senses or bringing up your weaknesses enough to distract you. Your decision doesn’t count in the deal unless it would lead to their favor.

All you have to do is say YES – by YES it means saying NO to your gut knowledge; saying NO to your good sense.


Now that you know, what can you do?

Remember, narcissistic pseudolovers put up a “brand” of themselves they want to be known for. What they want to be known for depends on what you are looking for in a relationship.

What can you do to not be easily swayed? You can be immune from them if you are solid in your knowing of what you want & why you want what you want. This is a process. This is also extremely difficult.

You may find yourself falling into the same patterns and having the same feelings that would make you easily fall for their strategies.  At times, even if you are aware that you are being duped or that you’re going through the same unhealthy patterns, you can’t help but give in.

If this happens, be kind to – and don’t punish – yourself. Deal with your feelings and your decisions by accepting them. Own it. It may be that you still have a lot to learn. That’s okay. Learn what you can. Learn from your errors. Do better next time.

The most important thing is to have a solid intent to be better. Eventually, by continually doing, you will make better decisions that are best for your growth. Eventually, you  will make decisions based on the right intent.


Image Credit: The Blaze